“Our lovely”: how to communicate with parents obsessed with children?
My friends believe: if you come to visit them, you must first crawl on the floor with their daughter Sonya, draw with her. Then you must ask questions about its successes. Then follows a small demonstration of these successes. If you do not do this, Sonya will be offended and complain to his parents.
Friends living in the suburbs came to visit: Mom Yana, Papa Semyon and daughter Sonya six years old.
All day we had fun at my house, then we went to the yard on the hill, then at home again. Quite a lot of time has passed, and now I want to go to visit them now.
I agree with Yana by phone. Speaks:
– By the way, Sonya was unhappy with your last visit.
Wow Six years old – she will also evaluate the meeting of adults. I ask:
– How is it unhappy?
– He says: why did they not ask how my deeds did not ask to read poetry, did not play with me?
– And what, they should?
– Certainly! Well, I told her: they just do not have their own children, and they do not know how to communicate with those who have them ..
I think: oh well, what nonsense, Yana also promised Sonya that next time we will come “prepared” to proper communication and almost from the threshold we will begin to roll the girl on the shoulders and build the headquarters with her in the room of blankets.
-Actually, we will come to visit you, not Sona.
– And it doesn’t matter. A colleague sometimes comes to me-so he crawls with Sonya on all fours, they play something of his own, laugh. And in general, you can talk to her, ask how she is doing, she will tell. Come on the weekend, Semyon will also be at home.
That’s the whole dialogue. I am honest in shock. Both from the situation, and from the prospect of meeting with Yana and Semyon. I think I round the conversation without specifics: they say, I have to look at the calendar, when we can, I will write or call you.
I put the phone and begin to think. I was quite clearly hinted that the rules for visiting their house include mandatory crawling on the floor with Sonya, questions about her successes and demonstrating these successes. After a “compulsory program”, you can finally communicate with adults. That is, when I leave the guests, having fulfilled the rules, Sonya will not be offended by my mother: “Why did no one ask how I read poetry?”And everyone will be satisfied.
But there is a problem. Six -year -old Sonya is not at all interesting to me, but I do not know how to pretend. That is, not so: Sonya is interesting to me, but not so much as to come to visit her. And after this conversation with Yana, I’ll tell you honestly, I don’t want to go to visit them at all. I even think to drag on a visit until the moment when Sonya finally goes to school. Just wait a year. For some reason, it seems to me that these crazy parents are no longer so tormented by their children as preschoolers.
But, oh horror, suddenly I’m mistaken?
Probably, you can try to come to Yana on weekdays, when Sonya is in the kindergarten and the question of mandatory crawling by itself will disappear. But then there will be no seeds, but I just really want to meet him. Suppose to avoid Sonya, poems and crawling, I will come on weekdays, there are no seeds at home, there is Yana, and Sonya, for example, is also at home – she caught a cold and did not go to the garden. And what will I do then?
And if I tell Yana directly: they say, I’m going to her and to Semyon, and not at all to little Sonya, she will definitely be offended. Or even worse: it will not give a look, but he will hide a grudge.
I like it when children live children’s life, and adults are adult, and if they intersect, then according to mutual desire
I begin to remember other friends who have small children. For example, Natasha – she has three children of different ages, including six -year -old Anka. Anka can get on my knees, kiss, show her last drawing. Then the children leave-watch cartoons or play something. From time to time, one of them comes to parents for some need like candy, receives it and again goes to the rest.
I really like this communication format and does not strain at all. I like it when children live children’s life, and adults are adults, and if they intersect, then without tension and a mutual desire. And with a tyrant, Sonya and her mother will not work. It is worth grinding to an adult with a girl a couple of words, and Yana is here – it includes in the conversation, catches and evaluates every word
said to his daughter.
Another example is Anya’s friend and her son Fedya. Fedya “Own” among adults from birth. For his mother, he at six – a full -fledged companion, visited her a hundred trips and a really rather interesting interlocutor. In the company of adults, he does not pull the blanket over himself, but communicates with dosage and appropriately, like an adult. And I must say, as soon as some children appear nearby, Fedya immediately throws these boring adults and is only interested in peers. Talking with Fedya is easy and pleasant, you do not have to force yourself. And his mother Anya no “obligation” from adults is needed.
I have another familiar six -year -old man, Grisha. Here compared with him, Sonya is generally an angel. The whole family revolves around Grisha, like the planets of the solar system. Grisha does not allow parents to talk to anyone without immediately getting into a conversation. Therefore, his father speaks on the phone only when he smokes on the street: the son will not give a word at home. Having visited Grisha’s parents once, I think I can communicate with them alive only when Grisha marries. So on the phone and we are friends.
But what should I do with Yana and Semyon and their daughter Sonya? How to go to visit them and not quarrel?
Elena Pogogizhskaya Pages in social networks: Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) / Vkontakte